Satire: Hu Dat Lin keeps it real
And shares tips and tricks, plus juicy personal bits at the end
In traditional Okinawan karate, the word waza is used to mean technique, but an alternative translation is tricks. To me this indicates that much of what is learned are simple yet effective bits of flimflam that can save your life in a pinch. Things like poking your attacker in the eye to distract him while you run away. Or looking like a deer frozen in headlights while an attacker runs up on you, only to drop to all fours at the last instant, causing him to fall flat.
I think the Okinawans were trying to convey that self defense and indeed success in life could be a lot more simple if we just kept our wits about us and stopped overthinking everything. Dedicated readers will recall that I have covered this ground previously in my first guest post, in which I provided a practical excercise to teach you how to avoid engaging in excessively complicated and unnecessary work, and instead do next to nothing. I'd now like to offer some additional tricks I've used to simplify my own life in hopes of helping you to do the same.
But first an example of what not to do. Don't be like my neighbor who bought a house, cut down a beautiful mature tree that was slightly too close to the house, then—no doubt at great expense—had two trees that would grow even larger than the one removed, installed even closer to the house. (Don't ever do this, and also don't use the word install when you mean plant. Appliances and puppet governments are installed, plants are planted.)
In order to facilitate speaking and writing about the phenomenon of making things more complicated than necessary, I've coined the term Keurig Effect, after the ridiculous yet popular coffee maker. For further reading, see here. This machine typifies the use of expensive and elaborate devices and practices that fascinate humans, a category that also includes leaf blowers, electric toothbrushes, Volvos, and French cooking.
And now for the juicy personal bits. [The astute, detail-oriented and OCD-suffering among you will no doubt be protesting, “Wait! You said they would come at the end.” Right you are, my nit-picking readers, but if I put this bit at the end you would all scroll directly there and just read the gossipy parts. (Don't lie to yourself. You know it's true.)] Several readers have expressed uncertainty and extreme curiosity as to my gender and I've decided to address the topic: I'm unsure as well, but not terribly curious. I'm not questioning my gender identity, or being disingenuous and pretending not to know what these readers mean by gender. I'm unsure because I simply can't remember due to my advanced age and lack of flexibility to look for the answer so to speak, despite years of yoga. Sorry to disappoint. I'll ask my doctor next check up and see if she knows.
On to the practical tips for dedicated readers who have stoically pressed on thus far. Have you heard of earthing, the practice of walking barefoot outside to connect with the healing power of the earth? I recommend this simple exercise, but cannot endorse the industry that has sprung up to provide accessories such as mats, mattress covers, cords, and rods for people who prefer to earth inside their homes. A perfect example of Keurig Effect! Rather than buying expensive accoutrements and complicating the process, I've simplified it by never washing my feet and I'm achieving positive results. When a critical mass of earth builds up on the bottoms, I can enjoy a similar healing outcome by merely lying still. QED!
Not only can I heal myself by barely moving, I can do it in a dry and comfortable home due to another simple trick. Moving houseplants back inside in autumn when frosts threaten is not a job I relish. This year however I was enthusiastic because I realized that by placing them under leaks I could circumvent the need to water them, while simultaneously reducing floor and furniture damage. No need for costly roof repairs—now I value the the moisture entering through the roof and wouldn't dream of fixing it. More time for me to lie motionless, reaping the benefits of the earth on my feet. The problem is the solution!
One final trick: to make friends, influence people, and build financial security, always group things in threes. Seems too simple to work? Try it and see for yourself. I'm thinking of calling it the Triad Effect, Trinity Effect, or Troika Effect. What do you think? Leave suggestions in the comment section please.